OK, kids, gather around me – it’s time for the talk. Most of our lives, we can rest quietly and not too much is asked of us. Sometimes we get pulled on, and we get walked on, and we get stuffed into things. Sometimes it even gets a bit smelly. But overall our lives are not too difficult. However, these humans have one habit which is quite perplexing.
It all began many years ago or so I’ve heard. Anyway, the fat guy in the red suit dropped some gold coins down the chimney of a poor man’s house to help his three daughters. It so happened the poor man had hung some laundry by the fire to dry. The coins dropped into the socks of the three daughters and that’s how it all began. When they told their friends and neighbors, everyone began hanging stockings by the fireplace in hopes that the jolly man in the red suit would leave something in their stockings too.
I’m telling you all this so you understand when it happens to you. This coming of age/growing up/growing bigger thing is a little difficult sometimes but you are big enough now and you might be chosen as a sock to hang by the fireplace. It hurts a little when they first grab you and hang you on that hook, but if they leave you alone after that, it’s okay. You feel a bit longer than usual but that’s not too bad.
Later, on Christmas Eve, the fat guy in the red suit comes after dark, after everyone is in bed and asleep. He comes quietly and stuff things into you – that’s when you really feel stretched beyond your limits. You hang there all night long with small oranges, little toys, pencils and small paper tablets, some useful items like nail clippers or toothbrushes or anything that’s small enough to fit into you. And that’s the hard part – you just hang there not able to move. And it is definitely not comfortable. But don’t worry – the kids in the family will relieve you as soon as they wake up. They’ll be all excited, and their shrill young voices may possibly bother you a little bit, but they’ll relieve you of all that stuff packed inside you and then you will feel much better.
You look a bit concerned, a bit frightened. Don’t worry. It’ll all be okay. This only happens one night each year. It seems odd, I know. But it’s just something we have to put up with so that the rest of the time we can be totally relaxed, lying side by side in someone’s dresser drawer. When that night is over, you can come back right here where we live all the time and we can talk about it again if you want. I promise you that you’ll be okay. And the rest of us will be here waiting for your return. We’ll all be together again for a whole year. Remember, I love you. And if you get chosen this year, it just means you’re growing up and we will be back together again very soon.
Any questions, kids?
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